revisiting september 11 through the eyes of a new year

The next day, January 1, was football bowl games from morning to night – a long-standing tradition in my home. I felt refreshed, renewed, and as if a weight I had been carrying for nearly four months was finally lifted. "How wonderful to start over," I thought.

Wednesday, January 2, I was back in my office with the television on. Somehow, I thought that with the change of the year, the news and the world events would magically change as well. My new-year, football-induced bliss was instantly dashed. Our nation was still on high alert. Our servicemen and women were still risking their lives overseas. Recovery efforts continued at Ground Zero. "Wait a minute!" I wanted to scream at the television. "This is a new year! We left all this behind!" But, of course, we didn’t. I found myself feeling profoundly sad and, frankly, silly. Of course the passage of one day, no matter how symbolic, wasn’t going to change the horrors of September 2001, and it was silly of me to think so. Or was it?

Over the next few days, I shared what I thought to be my silly thoughts of denial with my friends. Much to my amazement, I learned I was not alone. Everyone, it seemed, was looking forward to the new year as a way to start over, and then we all realized that as much as we longed to, we can’t turn our minds’ calendars back to September 10, 2001.

So, how are you feeling? The experts tell us that key anniversaries are the toughest times – the three month anniversary, in December, was particularly tough because it was near the holidays, and the six month anniversary will be coming up in March. Some people are disturbed by the 11^th day of any month – a friend whose daughter was pregnant was delighted when she gave birth on December 13^th instead of the 11^th. These feelings are perfectly normal and are nothing to worry about.

Are you afraid to get on an airplane? It sounds trite, but it’s true – if you drive to the airport, the drive is far more dangerous than your flight will ever be. I took 24 flights between the end of September and the middle of December. The first one was unnerving because I took flying for granted and suddenly everything was so different. There were a few of us business travelers who had to fly on a very empty plane. But it gave us a feeling that we were fighting back, and that no one was going to stop us from doing our jobs and moving forward with our lives. I talked with the flight attendants and gave them the chance to share their stories about where they were stranded on September 11^th and how they felt about flying again – as a nurse, I knew the informal "debriefing" would help them cope.

For me, each flight I took got easier. I even got used to standing in long lines, and patience is not one of my stronger traits. For the first time, we business travelers who never even gave a second thought to the others around us started conversations, talked about our families, and felt a sense of kinship – that we were in this together.

It’s important to remember that everyone will recover from the events of last fall a little bit differently. If you are nervous about driving across a long bridge, flying in an airplane, going into a tall office building, or realize you’re looking suspiciously at strangers around you in public places, that’s perfectly normal.

On September 11, I was driving to a hospital to teach an advanced class in trauma nursing when I heard the news on the radio. A week ago, I was driving down the same highway, the same time of morning, to teach again at the same hospital. A chill came over me as I glanced down at the clock on my car radio and it read 9:03 – the time the second plane hit the World Trade Center. I remembered that stretch of highway from that beautiful late summer September day and I got a lump in my throat. That’s normal, too. You may have a similar experience when you’re in the same place at the same time of day you first learned about the attacks. But if you are terrified to go to the place you were when you learned about the attacks, especially if you think something bad will happen if you go there, and you haven’t been back since, that’s a sign you need to talk with a professional to help you cope with your anxiety.

It’s abnormal when your thoughts and feelings about last fall prevent you from carrying out your day-to-day activities or if those thoughts and feelings bother you and you’re taking unhealthy steps to get away from them, such as drinking too much alcohol or using drugs to numb yourself.

It’s during this time – months after a traumatic event -- that people who are affected by chronic stress aren’t necessarily aware of it. You may notice things in a family member or friend that signal the need for professional help. That’s why we should look out for one another. The best thing you can do is talk about what you see and encourage your loved one to get help.

By now, people who were not directly affected by the events of September 11 -- not being an eyewitness, losing a loved one or losing their job or their home -- should be getting back to normal. At this point, four months later, having any of these symptoms means some professional counseling is in order:

• Recurrent thoughts or nightmares about the event
• Trouble sleeping that you didn’t have before
• Eating too much or too little since September so that you have gained or lost a noticeable amount of weight or had to buy new clothes because your old clothes don’t fit now
• Being constantly on edge, easily startled, and irritable
• Starting smoking or smoking more cigarettes than you did in August
• Feeling out of sorts, scattered, and unable to concentrate or make decisions you need to make about your life
• Feeling depressed, very sad much of the time, or emotionally numb and unable to feel happy or look forward to things you did in the past
• Feeling so frightened about the safety of loved ones when they are away from home that it affects your ability to function

Project Liberty’s theme is one we can all remember – "Feel free to feel better." We’ve been through a devastating time in our nation’s history. But we made it. We’ve come through on the other side. I think Tom Brokaw summed it up best when he wrote about Americans, "Most of all, they know this is a new world for them in which they’re suddenly sailing into unknown waters, navigating by the stars, for all the old charts are of little use. Understandably, it’s taken some time for them to get their bearings, but I have the feeling they’re up to the task." You know what, Tom? I think you’re right.